it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize