Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I had your ass I would rule the world
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
