I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
