Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize