my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
