I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize