So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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