so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
