benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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