Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
