It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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