There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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