he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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