Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
