it was like his penis was on wheels.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
