Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
