This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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