First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude i'm inner monologue high
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
