i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize