ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
