the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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