tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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