I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
