I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
