your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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