Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
