I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
only you would photoshop your dick
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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