I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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