I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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