i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
