I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
