I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
