they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
