I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the condom got lost in my hair
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
