hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think i have herpe
just one?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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