this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
