oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
