it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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