shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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