Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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