theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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