evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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