***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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