Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this will be a night to untag.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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