I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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