her facebook's as public as her vagina
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
