I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
