I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
4 words: hood of his car
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
