wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize