Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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