I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
