Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
