im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
