We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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