pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
