thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
