So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize