I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
