Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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