Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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