im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize