so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
