the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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