Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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