dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
