I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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