Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
