It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize