You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
