Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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