god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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