I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
