wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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