i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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