yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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