Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
