Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
