Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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