This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
