had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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