bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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