In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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