I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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