This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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