Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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