so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
