similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm both gender and math confused
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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