Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
